Maintaining A Healthy Amount Of Insanity At The Workplace

February 13, 2008

1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender.

3. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha.”

4. Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.”

5. Highlight your shoes in fluorescent colors. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much since you did this.

6. Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way.

7. Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document.

8. Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that.

9. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair-dancing.

10. Put your wastebasket on your desk. Label it “IN.”

11. Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of ink.

12. Send e-mail messages saying there’s free pizza or donuts or cake in the lunch room. When people drift back to work complaining that they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, “Oh you’ve got to be faster than that.”

13. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

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